DAY 35: THE WEIRD DURBAN HITCHING CULT

"Hi. I'm an incredibly gorgeous guy. I'm smart and creative and probably have a giant ding-dong. I'd show it to you if I didn't have this wedding ring on my huge fucking finger. Oh, meet my wife. Yes she is incredibly beautiful, a little dense but that doesn't matter because that's only your opinion, R. Brown. Our age? Um, we're both 23 but we've been married for about 15 yrs already."

Durbanaats. Stop getting hitched so young. You're freaking me out. At least wait until you've grown pubes and know how to count to 10. I know all your friends are doing it, but that's because they've been brainwashed by The Durban Hitching Cult, which was founded by a group of Durban junior school jocks way back in the 80's. These guys realised that they'd probably all amount to useless, flabby oxygen thieves by the time they hit their thirties and decided to all get hitched before they stopped pulling chicks.

These guys are dangerous. They have passed on the ancient wisdoms of The Durban Hitching Cult to other junior school jocks, which then brainwash the B team rugby players, preying on their vulnerabilities and insecurities of never making it into the A team. And then suddenly the whole of Durban is married. Seriously. Why am I the only person who knows this shit? Gawsh.