Fellas, sometimes a lady just wants to go into a bar and have a quiet, stiff drink and contemplate life. Just because I am alone does not mean that I am lonely. If I change my mind and decide that I require your company, I will let you know. I promise. Until then expect to receive some bat. Pay attention ladies, I've found that this one works a treat:
Preppy Drunk Dude: Hey, your hair looks like Peppy Le Pu.
Me: Wow. Thanks.
Preppy Drunk Dude: Can I buy you a drink?
Me: No.
Preppy Drunk Dude: Do you live around here?
Me: No.
long silence
Preppy Drunk Dude: What's your name?
Me: Beelzebul Abaddon
Preppy Drunk Dude: What?
Me: BEEL-ZE-BUL ABA-DDON
Preppy Drunk Dude: Is that German, or something?
Me: No. It's Satanic.
Preppy drunk Dude: Satanic?
Me: Yes, I worship Satan.
Preppy Drunk Dude pretends to answer his phone and walks away.
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